Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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