I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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