so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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