I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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