there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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