you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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