if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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