I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize