so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
vagina is talking i cant
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
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there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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