Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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