He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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