I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
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i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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