So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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