There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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