I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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