I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
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I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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