Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Be still, my beating vagina.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
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His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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