I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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