Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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