hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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