My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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