How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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