saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
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My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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