Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize