so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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