Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
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I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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