dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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