I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize