Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize