so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
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on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
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To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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