well you can't waste a boner
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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