and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize