There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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