my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize