I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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