the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
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I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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