So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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