Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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