True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
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the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
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I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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