Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
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My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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