How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize