I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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