the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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