i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize