I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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