I can text with my tongue
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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