He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize