oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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