Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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