You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize