i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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